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Last year’s winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out.This year’s winner was a real rocket scientist...Read on ... And remember that each and every one of these is TRUE.And the nominees were: Semifinalist #1A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk ... Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. The resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his sister.Semifinalist #2Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when another plane approached. It a appears that they decided to moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed ... They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles.Semifinalist #3A 22-year-old Reston, VA, man was. ’ She wiped away a tears that didn’t exist and wasn’t happening because she was fine and okay. Her skin wasn’t crawling with insects and grimy disgusting slime. She wasn’t sick to her stomach at all. She was fine, totally absolutely normal.Her forehead clunked against the side window. Though she wished she had a pair of sunglasses, at least the coolness of it felt good against her forehead. She focused on that and swallowed down her heart.She couldn’t remember how many times she’d come home after school, how many times she’d seen the front door of her house. Yet now it seemed alien, strange and quiet, hyper idyllic. Like something out of a Norman Rockwell Painting. She’d read about him when some of her novels had made reference to him. He painted ideal perfect American home life, filled with smiling fat kids bustling around. But this was just dead silent, as if judging her quietly, whispering at her, “Whore. Prostitute.” She shoved her hands in her pockets, feeling the envelope that.
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